I’m such a bitch..

No really… I am SUCH a bitch! I am playing two boys at the same time. God damn me.. I mean, come on, shouldn’t I just grow up and make up my mind? See, I did.. I made up my mind, I made a decision, sucked up to it, and then I got drunk with the one I intended to dump. And he just keeps charming me. So now, I think I wanna give him a second chance, or wait, a chance at all. Try to get to know him, try to see if there is anything there.. Before I make my decision..

Now that makes me a bitch.. I just freakin’ make up my mind, it just isn’t fair towards them that I can’t make up my mind. I should probably dump them both to punish myself…

I’m sorry ;)

Appologies for not having written anything in..forever! My life hasn’t really been all THAT busy, and to be honest, I don’t really have a good excuse. Oh well, anyway!
My sex life hasn’t been all that exiting lately either, oh what the hell, so hasn’t my life been either. I hadn’t done anything since May… Hadn’t beeing the key word here. I’m a bit confused. I meet this guy, and we get along great! We meet several times, and then we end up making out and me sleeping there one night. I stopped it before we did anything else, because I saw the opportunity of profound awkwardness when we start working together soon.
Then we hooked up again! At a work-party.. And once again I came back to his place, but this time I couldn’t stop it. Now, between hookup #1 and hookup #2 I tried to get him to do something with me (watch a movie, have a beer etc.) and he sort of blew me off! Now I’m confused wheater he wants only sex and random hookups or if he’s interested in something..more permanent?

Betty!

Living and learning.

I must have been over this a thousand times by now. Please inform me if you guys are getting sick of it. I am getting ready to get over him, but realize that I cannot forget him. He doesn’t want to talk to me, and I really just need him as a friend. I really want him to be a friend, but he seems oblivious to this.
Any good tips? I don’t want to do this forever, yet it seems like every time I let go a little, I end up getting hurt. Whenever I fall in love, I get my heart broken. I wanna be the boss of my own life!
Help?!
xxxx Betty!

To close another chapter of my life…

I am home! Home in the sence of my parents house, the town I grew up in, and where all my childhood friends live. Being here is somewhat weird, surreal and empty. I have plenty of time to think back on my amazing year, and I have all the time in the world to think about E, which I have found after leaving him that I am in love with. SO utterly in love in fact that when I was leaving Heatrow to catch my connecting flight, I almost got on the plane going to his city instead of home.
But I didn’t. I wanna do this one right, keep him as a friend, and hope he continue to see me positively. I want this to be the time I did everything right, when I didn’t obsess, annoy and cry myself to sleep at night. I am just as sad, but I have new ways to handle things. My life isn’t over, but my love life is merely on a break, until I someday, hopefully, find someone that can so thoroughly fullfill my demands of a man, like E did, at least for the short time I had with him.
What hurts the most, is that the breakup wasn’t about what breakups is normally about. We broke up, for the simple reason that we live in different countries, and we left the only place where we were together at the same time. To be honest, when I look back at it, I feel so privileged to have known him, and have been allowed to call him mine for these past 4 months, and I truly hope we can remain friends.

I guess time will tell!
xx Betty!

It hurts to say goodbye!

For the last 4 months, I have had the most amazing, beautiful boyfriend I could ever imagine. He has so many qualities that I look for in a man, and I have felt priviledge to have him. At the same time, he is all the things that I am not. He is funny and popular, social and likeable. With him as a boyfriend, I feel like I have had some of the things that I have longed for all my life.
But it must come to an end. It always has to. In 13 days, he leaves back to his country, and I will have a kiss on my lips to remind me of him. But I fear it. Most of all, I am not done with him, and do not want to lose him. But also, I don’t want to be single. I am so afraid I might never find anyone like him ever again, but I can’t get myself to tell him how much he means to me, and he jokes it off everytime I try to tell him a little piece of how I’m feeling. I think I might love him, or I’m in the process of loving him, but I just can’t tell him because I know he does not feel the same, and I don’t want him to feel bad!
Right now however, I am unable to sleep, consentrate or eat properly, and all I want is to spend time with him. He wants to have fun with his other friends as well, and I respect that, and understand that, but I just want to spend every second of the day near him, because I know that I might see him for the last time in 13 day… And that’s breaking my heart!

Betty…

Does size matter, volume 2!

Size does not matter, IF the guy knows how to use it.
I have been with a number of men, and I have come to the conclusion that it is not neccessarily better when he is big, and not good when he is small. What really does matter, is his ability to use it properly, and do what makes me turned on.

Mandy, I am incapable of coming with clitoral stimulation, and I am sure there are girls out there like me. What is important for you guys to consider is that ALL GIRLS GET TURNED ON BY DIFFERENT THINGS! But when it comes to size, me personally really DON’T care. Do your best folks!

Biggest fears…

My biggest fears: ending up alone. I feel like guys like me, adore me and fancy me, but they never grow to love me. I have had a couple of guys I have really liked, even been on the verge of falling in love with, but it has never been mutual. I feel like they do not see me as a future, they see me as a fling right now. I want someone to fall in love with me, I do not want to end up alone, and I need to know that I am fall-worthy. Get it?

I had a fight/discussion with E yesterday. He does not want to hurt me in May, yet he does not know how he feels and how he wants to do things then. At the same time, it is always on his mind, and keeps him from feeling for me. I have it the same way, but at the same time, I am letting myself go a little, and keeping the possibility of falling for him open. Stupid bitch, that’s me. But I can’t help it. He’s got so many qualities that I look for in a man, and I kinda, even though I do not love him or have fallen for him yet, wanna keep him.
xx Betty!

On being friends with your ex!

I just read Mandy’s latest post, and I thought I should offer my own thoughts about this matter. I have 2 ex-boyfriends, or two I would really call just that because I do not count 2 months relationships into this account. I have 2 ex-boyfriends, and I manage to stay friends with one of them, and friendly with the other.

Reasons: E#1, broke my heart. Completely. I was young, in love, naïve and unexperienced. I had just moved away from home and felt that on my psychological state as well. I did not see it coming, and I have never felt so lost in my entire life. I lost 20 pounds in two months, didn’t eat, didn’t sleep at all og slept all day, did bad at school and had little contact with other human beings in general. Now, my ex, let’s call him C, dumped me, and a week after, he found himself a girlfriend from an online dating-site. Keep in mind I had been depressed for two months, but suddenly it all dawned on me. His freaking loss. In many ways, I felt bad for him, and I still do. Some background facts tells me that his behaviour has a lot to do with the behaviour of the people around him when he grew up. He’s got a few siblings, none with a shared father. His mother has had several unstable relationships and men coming and going through the years and I believe that this has made him who he is, and not able to cope with attachment very good. (It shall also be mentioned that he has had countless of girlfriends both before and after me, and all seem to last around 1 to 1,5 years!)

I stay friends with him, both because he once used to be a very good friend of mine which guided me through my ups and downs, but also because I see that he deep down is a good person, not to defend his actions, I still think what he did to me, and the other girls make him an idiot (cheating bastard, that is!), but I feel like one should be able to forgive, forget and live in ‘harmony’ with each other.

Ex #2: Is a very resent ex. I broke it off because I was going abroad and did not want to be attached back home while away. I wanted to be free. While visiting for x-mas, he persumed we were still in a ‘pseudo-relationship’ and sort of thought that everything would be like before I left for a couple of weeks. My feelings for him were gone. Yet I felt guilty for not feeling the same way he did. I might have been the ‘bad-guy’ in this situation, but I had not done anything wrong, just simply lost my feelings for him. And that’s allowed, now isn’t it?

I stay sporadically in touch with him because he used to be a very good friend. We started out as friends, and were friends for nearly 4 years before anything happened between us. My friendship with him was what it all started out as, how can I discard that? I know he still has feelings for me, but I would love to be friends with him. Am I weird? I also feel kinda bad for dumping him, even though we both agreed on it, I felt like I dumped him all over again over x-mas. He cried, several times, and I couldn’t stop feeling sorry for him.

That’s all folks!

Betty!

Is it such a thing as too big? My very own Mr. Big!

I think that sex is best with a person you really like. How the sex is, can in many cases determine how a relationship turns out. As for me, I thought it was going to be awekward sex with E because I was his first. However, I have learned that not all guys are like my ex. Some guys learn fast, and let’s say ‘have the talent’ for sex. E is one of these. Even though he’s still kinda insecure, don’t always know what to do, and don’t always last very long, it is some of the best sex I have ever had. Orgasm almost everytime, and man, size doesn’t always matter (if the small one’s know how to use it..), but size is GOOD!!!

Yes he is big. The biggest I have ever had, the biggest I will probably ever have. Yet I have a concern that I hope some of you might help me with. Some times it hurts when he trusts into me (since it is so big, it gets in deep). Now, I know that I am elastic in there, and I know this sounds naïve, but can it be to big? That is, too big to trust all the way in without ruining anything in there?? It sometimes feel like someone is grabbing my uterise and dragging it out. Not very pleasant. Thankfully, he is a very considerate man, and stops when it hurts. And other than that, the sex is terrific 😀

XOXO Betty!

My non-existing little friend!

I have never owned a vibrator, nor do I ever think I will! Reason; I have never come with stimulation of clitoris and can only come(so far) from stimulation of the g-spot during penetration AND, just to make it real simple, only in the misionary position.

I guess Mandy, that even though you have never come with a guy, I don’t think it’s that uncommon. Whenever people do talk about sex, it is always good, but in real life, it really isn’t. Let’s just ask, how many of you have had a bad/uncomfortable/awkward sex experience the last month? I know I have, and I know I’ve had them in the past. Sex isn’t always a walk on roses, you do not always come, he doesn’t always get it up and sometimes, it simply just hurts!!!

Why don’t people talk about the uncomfortable things? Well, to be honest I never talk about uncomfortable things, ever! I just avoid them. They simple make me uncomfortable. And I guess the reason why I can talk about it here is because frankly, it’s the internet and none of you guys can see me blush or feel uncomfortable, so I feel more comfortable, and as a natural refleks I can talk more freely about it!

Back to where I started. I don’t have a little friend, but I do have a dildo! There I said it! I never use it, but is longing for a new one that can actually give me pleasure, as the one I have is gross, look weird and is frankly not very comfortable using at all! My little secret: I love going to sex-shops. I love it because the people working there seem to know so many secrets about all of the stuff I didn’t even know existed! I really want a vibrator, but can’t see the point of getting one because it would in fact not give me ANYTHING! To be honest(as I am in the honest corner today!) to much stimulation of clitoris for me is very uncomfortable. It hurts! It’s not good at all, and I am sore for days after! Is anything wrong with me? Does anyone else feel this way?

XX Betty!