Conscious

When I started dating boy, I ended up losing my best friend. It sucked. Hard. But I guess that’s life and I just have dealt with it. I hate myself for saying this, but I haven’t got over him. And that really sucks. I used to look a little bit down on people who just couldn’t let go, but now I am one of them. Well, I am not expressing this to anyone. I do not initiate to conversation with him. I keep my distance simply because that is what ex-girlfriends are supposed to do. I think that from day-to-day, it doesn’t bother me much, but when I am all alone in front of my computer, it does. I use way too much time on his FB page… I just realized that I sound pathetic. Really pathetic. I guess I am. As just mentioned, I am crazy busy so it isn’t a problem unless I’m alone. Something I rarely am since I am living together with F.

Yeah, that’s right. I am living together with F. Things are in fact great. He is the nicest BF ever. He is taking me to Istanbul for our one year anniversary. I really look forward to that. He is a way better catch than boy. He has even managed to make me come by going down on me. No one has ever managed that. But he really takes his time. So I should be happy. I am happy. Nevertheless, I miss the best friend I used to have in high school.

Love Mandy

Can’t stop

Can’t stop thinking of what could have been. In this moment, I truly hate myself for doing that. Because there is no point. I should just get over it. But I haven’t. It has been more than one f***ing year. Yet, everything is the same. I am sorry. I don’t think my feelings have changed. I am sorry. I should be a better person…

Love Mandy

Does size matter?

That’s the Question. Does the size on his penis matters to womans’ sexual pleasure? It is, I have heard, a scary question to ask because men tend to identify with their genitals.

I have slept with three men. Or more like two boys and one man. Anyway, they naturally had different ways of reacting to physical contact and they were not built the same. In my opinion, average is perfect. I have experienced that if the guy is really big, he hardly react to anything but his penis. Everything turns around it and it can be pretty annoying when you try to give head and the only technique that seems to turn him on is sucking. I mean, it’s so much more fun when you can work him up in other ways, like licking him on the inside of his legs, the area between the anus and his balls, or just the head. I love it when I can bite his neck and he moans with pleasure. It really gives me confidence and makes me want to do other stuff. It ca also be because he knows he’s that big, he have never done any real effort to please a woman in bed, as the myth the bigger the better is out there. Just to make things clear, we usually come much harder from stimulation of the clitoris, and not the penetration itself. I can’t stress this enough.

Does it feels better during sex if he’s big? In my experience, not really. It’s more about how excited I am than his size. When I am extremely turned on and longing for having him inside me, the sex mostly is great. Mostly. South Park reference!

In conclusion, it’s all about how the girl is worked up, rather than size. It may be a cliché, but foreplay really makes the difference. And remember, we fall in love with a man, not a penis, even though it’s a package deal.  

Love Mandy

Pink clouds and butterflies

In three days F and I celebrate our 2 months anniversary. We have it all planned. We are going to go to the restaurant we went the night before we became a couple. This past 2 months has been amazing. I do well at school, my relationship with my parents is alright and I have the best boyfriend ever who makes breakfast to me every morning we wake up together. I am in a very good place right now. Very good.

Right now, I’m at his place while he is out having lunch with his parents, his two sisters, his sister’s fiance, the future parents in law and uncle with wife. The fiance, let’s call him A, is British, and white, and non muslim. And that’s a problem. They also have dinner yesterday evening, so I and oneother colleague had to run the restaurant all by our selves. My boss (his father), let’s call him T, hasn’t accepted the weddingplanes at all. The parents have kind of ignored A and S (F’s sister) since they learned about the engadgement. They also sendt F out to buy them an engagement gift and he still hasn’t been refundent. I think it’s horrible. I have to understanding for it. I like T and his wife as a boss, but I dislike him as a father. Oh… I just realized that’s a pretty mean thing to say. I do not mean to be mean. Nevertheless, I do not understand why A have to go though all the hell it is of being accepted as a son in law, when there is no chance he will ever be. Eventhough he has converted and is now a muslim. I do not understand it has to be a oneway train. I am so glad F has made it totally clear to his parents that he will not ask the one he will marry to convert to Islam.

When i was about to close the restaurant yesterday evening, I went out in the hall to take in the restaurant sign, and there he was. We looked at eachother and without a word he took me in his arms. We hugged. I had missed him a lot and I was tired of having worked for 8 hours. Then, we let go and continues in opposite directions. I have an amasing boyfriend.

Love Mandy

I almost forgot.. I have a blog!

School is killing me. Work is killing me. It has come to the point where I spend 98 % of my time at work and at the library. This is absolutely not to rant about my pathetic issues since I know many of us are in the same situation. The curriculum is huge… but I tend to be quite hardcore, so I’ll manage. I just want to point out that I’ve got nothing to say and even less time to work on my personal life. All I can say is that I really look forward to hear about Betty’s adventures in the US. Oh yes, I almost forgot, my roommate and I are planning to go to a gay bar, just to try it out. We have spoken of it and I get more end more sure that almost every girl I know fantasise about being with another girl. Smooth.

A few updates on co-worker: we are going out to eat crepes (french pancakes) and drink cider. Then, we will watch a film. We have plenty we haven’t seen yet and since we both enjoy being film geeks… I think we will actually see it at his place (yes, he has his own flat). I do not know when we are going, but it will probably be in the near future. The only backside is that I have to go through the “oh-my-god-is-it-a-date?!?-hell” again.

Love Mandy