My so non-existing sex-life!

It’s beginning to be so clear to me, that I miss having someone to cudle with, doesn’t even have to be sex, although some action in that area would be good to.

Although I do not like to admit it, I’m falling for the German guy. I don’t want to, and I know there will never be anything there, but I find myself looking for him when I walk past the Great Hall or other places I know he might be. The thing is, I can never find myself so utterly in love with him as I am in A back home, but it freaks me out that I was capable of finding someone I so utterly fall for. I find that everytime I see him, I just wanna jump on him and drag him into his room. And on his birthday, a couple of days ago he was so wasted and I walked him up to his room, yet I didn’t make a move, I know this is a good thing, and frankly, I’m not the kinda girl that will take advantages of those sceneries, but now, I wish I had made some kind of move, cause I really, really want him.

Most likely, nothing will happen ever again, we hooked up twice, so I guess that means something, but we had a chat and none of us want something serious, I guess that was the nail in the coffin.. Still, I don’t want it to be.. He gives me looks, and I give him looks back..

❤ from California, Betty!

The pittyparty is over, so over

Boy broke up with me over the phone three months ago after two years of being together. The question was, can I still be friends with him?

By dumping somebody, you cannot help sending out the message that the person is not good enough for you. Or at least I thought. I have used far too much time and energy on this matter, on being hurt and on turning the page. Now I have realized that it’s not me, it’s him. He is the one with self-esteem issues who is not committed to a relationship. I did not really do anything wrong. He did. And no, I cannot stay friends with someone who thinks I am a person worth dumping on the freaking phone. His loss. What surprises me is that I do not miss him that much.

PS I do not like ranting about the past, but I cannot hide it troubles me being dumped. Now, I am officially over it and I will never mention it again. If I do, you are allowed to kick my a**. I will deserve it.

Love Mandy

He is just soooo gorgeous!!

Oh yeah, I did it again! I might have told you about the dance on last friday, well, long story short, I was drunk. Bottom line, me and my roomie thinks the same guy is superhot(which he is btw, really really gorgeous!). Well, to my story, this was the night of ultimate hook up and being shitfaced! Me, as I am usually not an exeption, was drunk too(not shitfaced, it didn’t get that far, I was too busy!!), well, we had this preparty, and ofcourse(well, let’s call him the german boy) the german boy was there, we hang with the same people so there wasn’t any big deal! Me and my roomie got drunk, as I have allready told ya, and he got more and more interested in talking to us, BOTH of us.. Confusing, well, as the girls we are we went to have a pep-talk in the restrooms. Topic? Which one of us should go for him, and which one of us does he want? We decided, as the idiots we are when drunk that he decides, I said, no bad feelings if he choose you, and she almost said the same thing back! Have you guess the outcome of this story yet? Well, off we go down to the real party, all 100+ of us! Packed auditorium, loads of people, loud music and cheap wine and beer. We danced, he danced, with us, with me, with her, and with me, then he kissed me! In my head: “SHIT, FUCK, SHIT, Oh god he is so hooooot!!!” Even longer story short, I went with him to his room, turned out he’s not just gorgeous, but he is so nice as well, problem now: kinda have some butterflies in my stomach whenever I see him, and hoping to see him wherever I go, I feel like I’m in this really bad soap-opera, cause everywhere I go, I meet him! Fancy that(does that EVER happen in real life??) We make eye-contact, a little flirting but nothing more, I really want something more, does anyone wanna give me some input on this one? I have no idea, I feel lost in my own little fantazy and I have no idea what to do except wait and flirt! HELP me!!!

Kiss kiss kiss (yes I wanna kiss him again!)

Betty!!

(btw, I just feel this is the most unmature post I have written in ages, I feel though, like I am 14 right now, and had a little hope in my mind that would go away as I grew older, but now it’s here again, even at my age!)

Breakfast club

I am not sure of anything right now. I went to Co-workers place for dinner and movie night some days ago. It was really nice. He made me lasagna. I do not think any boy has cook for me before, so it was really sweet. Anyway, we talked a lot and then we started to watch Code Unknown, a French film, which by the way, is one of the most powerful movies I have ever seen. Anyway, once it was over, he asked: shall we watch one more? At this moment, it was about 11 pm and though I am not really known for my spontaneous behaviour, I said yes. I pointed however out that if so was the case, I would probably have to take a cab home. He told me that I could sleep over. I looked at him for about three seconds and asked him if he was sure. He said yes and I said OK. Then he asked me if I was serious and I confimed. He said cool and we watched another movie, this time Russian.

I slept in his bed while he slept on the coach. He gave me one of his t-shirts to sleep in and that was it. Nothing happened. He has not made a move, not even once. What does this tell me? I think he may not be that into me. Anyhow not in a romantic kind of way. He just likes to spend time with me. We have planned further movie nights.

The next morning, he made me breakfast. I couldn’t help thinking that he would be the perfect partner: handsome, cultivated and being able to cook.

Love Mandy

Forever friends?

Things are slowly evolving with my co-worker. At least I think they are. He has invited me over at his place tomorrow for late dinner and a movie. I finish school quite late. He also asked me which perfume I use and complimented it. Either he is gay (which I know i not the case), or he was flirting. Anyway, this time I have decided that I will not analyse the situation and try to find out weather it is a date or not. I will assume it is just a friend thing. On the other hand, he is going to cook for me! Arghh… I am so screwed…

Love Mandy

If a girl…

…asks you to give her a reason to stay, it means two things:

1. The obvious: she wants to hear the three little words “I love you” and she wants them to be true.

2. She is willing to change a part of her life for you which means that she, at this precise moment, thinks that you might be the one. She only needs some sort of confirmation because she is a person with selfesteem.

Love Mandy

I almost forgot.. I have a blog!

School is killing me. Work is killing me. It has come to the point where I spend 98 % of my time at work and at the library. This is absolutely not to rant about my pathetic issues since I know many of us are in the same situation. The curriculum is huge… but I tend to be quite hardcore, so I’ll manage. I just want to point out that I’ve got nothing to say and even less time to work on my personal life. All I can say is that I really look forward to hear about Betty’s adventures in the US. Oh yes, I almost forgot, my roommate and I are planning to go to a gay bar, just to try it out. We have spoken of it and I get more end more sure that almost every girl I know fantasise about being with another girl. Smooth.

A few updates on co-worker: we are going out to eat crepes (french pancakes) and drink cider. Then, we will watch a film. We have plenty we haven’t seen yet and since we both enjoy being film geeks… I think we will actually see it at his place (yes, he has his own flat). I do not know when we are going, but it will probably be in the near future. The only backside is that I have to go through the “oh-my-god-is-it-a-date?!?-hell” again.

Love Mandy