Argh…

Sometimes I find myself in situations I don’t like. I consider myself as a good person so I try to do the right thing. But quite often, I fail. And I have to recognize that my way wasn’t the right way to do things.

Sometimes, I make my man insecure. And we all know, there is nothing worse than being insecure in a relationship. I make him insecure in bed because I do not always respond to his approaches. I understand that. I understand that very well since my ex-boyfriend did something similar to me. I never thought I would be that person in the relationship. I have never been that person.

What do I do? I try to do something about it. And I explain why I fall out. Blame it on the stress. I know it’s a cliche, but it’s true.

On another note, my ex-boyfriend is using me for relationship advice. Or more advice on how to get over a girl and mend his broken heart. Pathetic, I know. I think I dislike him for doing that. I shouldn’t take it. If I was a little more intelligent and a little less “good girl”, I would stop. But I don’t. And that says a more about me than about him. Damn, I just made him cry… F***

Love Mandy

Living and learn

I came back home after a week-end at my folk’s house.It was great coming back. It was great seeing F again. Really cool with the I- haven’t-seen-you-in-a-long-time-sex.

Not so cool with the ex-boyfriend who rants about this broken heart and expect me to tell him what to do.

I did though. What I have learned about bad break-ups is that there is no point beating oneself up. You only can hope to realize that if someone hurts you and make you feel bad, it’s your responsability to leave them.

And I have to tell the person who dumped me this! God damn it…

Love Mandy

Numbers

One of my best friends is staying at our place now. She is working at the restaurant while F and I have ourfinals. It is nice. The plan was that she and I should sleep together in the bed and F on the coach. Needless to say, it didn’t work. F couldn’t sleep without me and was starting to get quite frustrated just after two nights. Now we are sleeping in the kitchen on a very thin skid. But at least we’re together right?

Another problem is that we cannot exactly keep up the our sex life as we want. We have to wait until we are alone. It isn’t anything wrong with it. It’s ok. Nevertheless, it is a little weird to plan every intercourse…

Maybe this is why I have been posting all crancy lately…

Love Mandy

Does size matter, volume 2!

Size does not matter, IF the guy knows how to use it.
I have been with a number of men, and I have come to the conclusion that it is not neccessarily better when he is big, and not good when he is small. What really does matter, is his ability to use it properly, and do what makes me turned on.

Mandy, I am incapable of coming with clitoral stimulation, and I am sure there are girls out there like me. What is important for you guys to consider is that ALL GIRLS GET TURNED ON BY DIFFERENT THINGS! But when it comes to size, me personally really DON’T care. Do your best folks!

Does size matter?

That’s the Question. Does the size on his penis matters to womans’ sexual pleasure? It is, I have heard, a scary question to ask because men tend to identify with their genitals.

I have slept with three men. Or more like two boys and one man. Anyway, they naturally had different ways of reacting to physical contact and they were not built the same. In my opinion, average is perfect. I have experienced that if the guy is really big, he hardly react to anything but his penis. Everything turns around it and it can be pretty annoying when you try to give head and the only technique that seems to turn him on is sucking. I mean, it’s so much more fun when you can work him up in other ways, like licking him on the inside of his legs, the area between the anus and his balls, or just the head. I love it when I can bite his neck and he moans with pleasure. It really gives me confidence and makes me want to do other stuff. It ca also be because he knows he’s that big, he have never done any real effort to please a woman in bed, as the myth the bigger the better is out there. Just to make things clear, we usually come much harder from stimulation of the clitoris, and not the penetration itself. I can’t stress this enough.

Does it feels better during sex if he’s big? In my experience, not really. It’s more about how excited I am than his size. When I am extremely turned on and longing for having him inside me, the sex mostly is great. Mostly. South Park reference!

In conclusion, it’s all about how the girl is worked up, rather than size. It may be a cliché, but foreplay really makes the difference. And remember, we fall in love with a man, not a penis, even though it’s a package deal.  

Love Mandy

Stresss

It’s really serious. F and I are moving in together. We are going to see two potential apartments for rent tomorrow after my exam. Yes, coz I’ve an exam tomorrow. It’s a French option for law students so it shouldn’t be any trouble. What is trouble thought is my real 2nd yr law school exam in about one and a half month!

Anyhow I’ll just keep bloging. I mean, between the reading, I’ll always get some time to post.

Over to more interesting things, the sex with F is really starting to be good. It might be the fact that I am in a good place right now, but I also think it is because we have done it a lot. Let me explain. In Hot Sex by Tracey Cox, she points out that practice is the key to turn good sex into great sex. I really think that’s true. I mean sure it isn’t mind blowing every time. Like last night, it was only cosy and I didn’t exactly come, but that’s okay because the time before that, we did it on the sink and it really was mind blowing. To sum up, the more we sleep together, the better it becomes. Cheers!

Love Mandy

No quitter!

Yesterday someone searched using the sentence “should I quit”. It is something I have been thinking a lot of lately. F and I have planned to tell his parents about us. We have also thought about moving in together, something we are also going to tell them about. In a situation like that, I have two choices. I can either quit before we tell them so I won’t have to deal with their reaction, or I can stay and force them to interact with me. By staying, I am telling them that I am serious and that I am not afraid of what they might think or what the consequences might be. Actually, I am scared, but that is not the message I want to send. I want to make the point that I still want to be a part of the restaurant, even though I am dating their son. I am not courageous. I am terrified of how they are going to react, but I think it is the right thing to do. Moreover, in that way, F is not alone facing his parents. I think that might help him, because admitting that you are having a relationship with a white chick and having sex with her before marriage, to your Muslim parents who wants you to marry your Pakistani cousin, can be pretty ugly…

Love Mandy

Make up sex or angry sex?

I had an argument with F today. It was the third time we had an argument and it has always been about the same thing: racism and prejudice against different cultures. These past few weeks, the question whether the gouvernement should accepting hijab as a part of the police uniform has created a huge debate. The Muslim minority represents about 10 % of the population. Naturally, many people, including myself, are against the legalization. Anyway, those who are for are for the most of them Muslims who use hijab themselves. One of the arguments they use is that they do not want to be a part of a society where the women is objectified and where people has no moral as they are sleeping around. I take this very personally. When we have discussed the issue, I say that I am sick of being judged by people that generalize my culture. Then, F will say something like “yes, but white people are also racist and they do also generalize the Muslim population.” And that is where our argument begins, because to my mind, this isn’t an argument. One cannot justify racist behaviour by another racist  behaviour. I work in a Pakistani restaurant and I can tell that the racism goes both ways. Lately, I have experiences a lot of episodes which makes it a little difficult to work there. Naturally, I take statements like that pretty personally.

So, we had an argument. I explained why I was upset and he understood perfectly why. He didn’t mean anything by it and I knew that, but I still think that somethings aren’t supposed to be justified. And if you still try, it is just very offensive. We made up and had sex.

I do not think it was angry sex nor make up sex. I guess it was because of all the emotions. I feel close to him when I reveal my issues and fears, and sometimes that makes me want to be really intimate with him.

Love Mandy

Why I won’t be friends with my ex

It has been four days since I replied at Boy’s message and yet no answer. I am aware that it is quite difficult answering to “I don’t think we can be friends even thought I might miss spending time with you”. Why can’t you just be friends you might ask. I have a lot of friends who actually manages to remain friends with their exes, so why can’t I?

First of all, we are talking about someone that I have been so intimate on so many levels. The obvious, we have had sex, but we have also grown up together, cried, laugh, meet each others’ families and friends, shared our issues, deapest fears and happiest moments. And then, he won’t be with me anymore because of his insecurities and fear of commitment. And he broke up with me on the phone two weeks before my finals. Do I want to be friends with somebody who can do that to another human being? No. Besides, I do not believe those who keeps in contact with their ex because they’re such good “friends”. I believe it’s because of the boody call. Too bad I have enough self esteem and don’t need sex to feel good about myself.

There is also another matter. I do not trust myself. I have been checking my facebook way to often these past four days. I am scared that I might want to return to him and honestly I do not want to go there. In the end, he made me miserable because I knew that he was having doubts about us and yet, he did not communicate with me, telling me what was wrong. Anyhow, I am now in a relationship with the man I love. I think we are great together and we have reached a level of honest and trust I have never shared with a person. I will not f*** this up.

It might even be that this “problem” only exists in my head. I bet he is not thinking about this. Arghh… I just have to get over it. Again.

Love Mandy

Period!

I have my period. All my life, well, all my sexual active life what does that word even mean (Juno)my ex-boyfriend have run away from my bed whenever I have had my period. Therefor I have always assumed that I boys think this is grose and that they force themselves to sleep in my bed. This time, I told F that I had my period and he asked me if the dealio was that he wouldn’t be able to touch me once a month. I answered that we could always do it in the shower. F looked at me and asked “do you mean that we actually can have sex?” I told him that yes, we could. “But don’t you loose lust?” “No, why do you think that?” And then I started to think about all the myths males create about girl-things because they simpley don’t have a clue.

I thought I should clear out some things. I have no medical answeres to this. I only respond from my personal point of view.

Do women loose interest in sex when we have our period?

I guess it is individual. Maybe it is because it can be embarrassing and quite dirty with all the bloody mess. I also think it is considered bit of a taboo having sex while having ones period. In my opinion, no, it has nothing to do with that. Then again, you might talk to your woman about this, since I wouldn’t take my word for the undiscutable truth. Personally, I just think it can be inconvenient doing it in the bed. Nevertheless, I love doing it even though I bleed. There are so many other places we can do it. Like in the bathroom. In front of the sink. And the mirror. 

Love Mandy