Argh…

Sometimes I find myself in situations I don’t like. I consider myself as a good person so I try to do the right thing. But quite often, I fail. And I have to recognize that my way wasn’t the right way to do things.

Sometimes, I make my man insecure. And we all know, there is nothing worse than being insecure in a relationship. I make him insecure in bed because I do not always respond to his approaches. I understand that. I understand that very well since my ex-boyfriend did something similar to me. I never thought I would be that person in the relationship. I have never been that person.

What do I do? I try to do something about it. And I explain why I fall out. Blame it on the stress. I know it’s a cliche, but it’s true.

On another note, my ex-boyfriend is using me for relationship advice. Or more advice on how to get over a girl and mend his broken heart. Pathetic, I know. I think I dislike him for doing that. I shouldn’t take it. If I was a little more intelligent and a little less “good girl”, I would stop. But I don’t. And that says a more about me than about him. Damn, I just made him cry… F***

Love Mandy

Lame (updated) (UPDATED)

Some friends and I had a discussion some days ago about what the worst way of being dumped is. Here are some of the different situations and ways to make it worse we came up with:

– Dumped over the phone while you are calling

– Dumped by SMS dumped by a free SMS

– Walking in on your BF/GF having sex with someone that someone being your best friend, you mother/father or sister/brother

– Realizing you are dumped when you see that your BF/GF have changed their status on Facebook seeing that they have just started a new relationship

These are all pretty bad scenarios. I have experiences the first one myself. You remember boy? My ex BF? Remember that we try to be friends and that he was dating this one girl? Well… he just broke up with her by changing his status on Facebook…

I have nothing to say. I can only say what Cartman said when he realized Kyle didn’t have the picture of him with Butter’s wiener in his mouth after all: lame…

Love Mandy

 

Updated 16.05.09

Apparently they are still together. The change in the status quo was only to prove a point or to get attention. He means that she is never taking the initiative to hang out with him. To fake a break-up by changing your realtionshipstatus on Facebook  in order to get attention from your BF/GF seems like a healthy relationship….

Love Mandy

 

Updated 19.05.09

They have broken up. I do not know why I care, he did the exact same thing to me as she did to him. I should be happy because now, he is suffering, just like I did. But I don’t feel that way. It is just lame. I only have one thing to say: Not cool. Not cool.

Love Mandy

Why I won’t be friends with my ex

It has been four days since I replied at Boy’s message and yet no answer. I am aware that it is quite difficult answering to “I don’t think we can be friends even thought I might miss spending time with you”. Why can’t you just be friends you might ask. I have a lot of friends who actually manages to remain friends with their exes, so why can’t I?

First of all, we are talking about someone that I have been so intimate on so many levels. The obvious, we have had sex, but we have also grown up together, cried, laugh, meet each others’ families and friends, shared our issues, deapest fears and happiest moments. And then, he won’t be with me anymore because of his insecurities and fear of commitment. And he broke up with me on the phone two weeks before my finals. Do I want to be friends with somebody who can do that to another human being? No. Besides, I do not believe those who keeps in contact with their ex because they’re such good “friends”. I believe it’s because of the boody call. Too bad I have enough self esteem and don’t need sex to feel good about myself.

There is also another matter. I do not trust myself. I have been checking my facebook way to often these past four days. I am scared that I might want to return to him and honestly I do not want to go there. In the end, he made me miserable because I knew that he was having doubts about us and yet, he did not communicate with me, telling me what was wrong. Anyhow, I am now in a relationship with the man I love. I think we are great together and we have reached a level of honest and trust I have never shared with a person. I will not f*** this up.

It might even be that this “problem” only exists in my head. I bet he is not thinking about this. Arghh… I just have to get over it. Again.

Love Mandy

Period!

I have my period. All my life, well, all my sexual active life what does that word even mean (Juno)my ex-boyfriend have run away from my bed whenever I have had my period. Therefor I have always assumed that I boys think this is grose and that they force themselves to sleep in my bed. This time, I told F that I had my period and he asked me if the dealio was that he wouldn’t be able to touch me once a month. I answered that we could always do it in the shower. F looked at me and asked “do you mean that we actually can have sex?” I told him that yes, we could. “But don’t you loose lust?” “No, why do you think that?” And then I started to think about all the myths males create about girl-things because they simpley don’t have a clue.

I thought I should clear out some things. I have no medical answeres to this. I only respond from my personal point of view.

Do women loose interest in sex when we have our period?

I guess it is individual. Maybe it is because it can be embarrassing and quite dirty with all the bloody mess. I also think it is considered bit of a taboo having sex while having ones period. In my opinion, no, it has nothing to do with that. Then again, you might talk to your woman about this, since I wouldn’t take my word for the undiscutable truth. Personally, I just think it can be inconvenient doing it in the bed. Nevertheless, I love doing it even though I bleed. There are so many other places we can do it. Like in the bathroom. In front of the sink. And the mirror. 

Love Mandy

Crossing over to the right side!

My little mind is confused!

I did mention D before x-mas, right? Well, my feelings for him continue, and even though I know we do not have a future and that he dumped me for another girl, I am still in love with him. I keep telling myself I am acting like a fool, continue to be in love with someone who dumped you seems so stupid, and at the same time, I can’t stop thinking about him. Or I couldn’t. This have changed slightly. As I have found the most amazing guy I have ever met, my feelings for D have cooled down. They are still there, but I do not think about him all the time anymore and it does not hurt doing things that remind me of him anymore.

Over to my real point. I have met an awesome guy. He is so nice to me and I think I will fall for him. It’s weird because in many ways he is exactly what I have been looking for for quite a while and it feels so good hanging out with him! He was a virgin when I met him, but for some reason I did not detect it. It’s like it all comes so natural for him, and we have pretty good sex already!

XOXO Betty!

Pink clouds and butterflies

In three days F and I celebrate our 2 months anniversary. We have it all planned. We are going to go to the restaurant we went the night before we became a couple. This past 2 months has been amazing. I do well at school, my relationship with my parents is alright and I have the best boyfriend ever who makes breakfast to me every morning we wake up together. I am in a very good place right now. Very good.

Right now, I’m at his place while he is out having lunch with his parents, his two sisters, his sister’s fiance, the future parents in law and uncle with wife. The fiance, let’s call him A, is British, and white, and non muslim. And that’s a problem. They also have dinner yesterday evening, so I and oneother colleague had to run the restaurant all by our selves. My boss (his father), let’s call him T, hasn’t accepted the weddingplanes at all. The parents have kind of ignored A and S (F’s sister) since they learned about the engadgement. They also sendt F out to buy them an engagement gift and he still hasn’t been refundent. I think it’s horrible. I have to understanding for it. I like T and his wife as a boss, but I dislike him as a father. Oh… I just realized that’s a pretty mean thing to say. I do not mean to be mean. Nevertheless, I do not understand why A have to go though all the hell it is of being accepted as a son in law, when there is no chance he will ever be. Eventhough he has converted and is now a muslim. I do not understand it has to be a oneway train. I am so glad F has made it totally clear to his parents that he will not ask the one he will marry to convert to Islam.

When i was about to close the restaurant yesterday evening, I went out in the hall to take in the restaurant sign, and there he was. We looked at eachother and without a word he took me in his arms. We hugged. I had missed him a lot and I was tired of having worked for 8 hours. Then, we let go and continues in opposite directions. I have an amasing boyfriend.

Love Mandy

Having trouble sleeping

Co-worker, let’s just call him F from now on, has moved into his new apartment. He did it yesterday and he invited me over after work the same day. I accepted and the plan was that we shouldn’t watch any movies because in that way, I would be able to catch the last subway home. But it didn’t work out as I had planed. We watched a movie, talked, drank wine and before we had actually noticed anything, it was too late for me to go home. Since he has just one room in the apartment and also just one bed, be slept together that night. Anyways, we tried to sleep, but we stayed up talking for hours. We passed out in the same bed and nothing happened.

He hasn’t tried to make a move, not even once. It’s weird. Or no, it’s not. It probably just means that he is not interested. But if that’s the case, it’s really too bad. I like him a lot. He’s great. Really great and I have started to have some seriously erotic dreams about him. This is hard. That’s what she said!I think I am falling, crushing to the ground. On the same time, I keep getting these mixed signals, the looks, something that makes me think that he may just be shy, which I know he is.

By the way, he told me this morning that while I was asleep, I had had some trouble falling asleep because he’d forgot to eat. Suddenly, he thought something dead had fallen on his head, but when he looked closer, it was my hand. In my sleep I had just reached out and put my hand on his head. Charming…

Love Mandy

It’s a date then, or at least a late dinner

Coworker called me yesterday to invite me over to is place Thursday. I believe his exact words was “Mandy, I want to cook for you” which kind of made me smile. As you surely know, there is a common belief that when a woman wants to cook for you, she does also want to sleep with you. However, this probably does not apply to the male part of the population. Moreover, this will be the second time he has made me a meal and nothing has happened. I might just take a shot and kiss him as I start to have some serious fantasies about him. I also have to break the pattern of being a coward when it comes to these kind of situations. Yeah… I think I may try that out…

Love Mandy

The pittyparty is over, so over

Boy broke up with me over the phone three months ago after two years of being together. The question was, can I still be friends with him?

By dumping somebody, you cannot help sending out the message that the person is not good enough for you. Or at least I thought. I have used far too much time and energy on this matter, on being hurt and on turning the page. Now I have realized that it’s not me, it’s him. He is the one with self-esteem issues who is not committed to a relationship. I did not really do anything wrong. He did. And no, I cannot stay friends with someone who thinks I am a person worth dumping on the freaking phone. His loss. What surprises me is that I do not miss him that much.

PS I do not like ranting about the past, but I cannot hide it troubles me being dumped. Now, I am officially over it and I will never mention it again. If I do, you are allowed to kick my a**. I will deserve it.

Love Mandy

Forever friends?

Things are slowly evolving with my co-worker. At least I think they are. He has invited me over at his place tomorrow for late dinner and a movie. I finish school quite late. He also asked me which perfume I use and complimented it. Either he is gay (which I know i not the case), or he was flirting. Anyway, this time I have decided that I will not analyse the situation and try to find out weather it is a date or not. I will assume it is just a friend thing. On the other hand, he is going to cook for me! Arghh… I am so screwed…

Love Mandy