I’m such a bitch..

No really… I am SUCH a bitch! I am playing two boys at the same time. God damn me.. I mean, come on, shouldn’t I just grow up and make up my mind? See, I did.. I made up my mind, I made a decision, sucked up to it, and then I got drunk with the one I intended to dump. And he just keeps charming me. So now, I think I wanna give him a second chance, or wait, a chance at all. Try to get to know him, try to see if there is anything there.. Before I make my decision..

Now that makes me a bitch.. I just freakin’ make up my mind, it just isn’t fair towards them that I can’t make up my mind. I should probably dump them both to punish myself…

Conscious

When I started dating boy, I ended up losing my best friend. It sucked. Hard. But I guess that’s life and I just have dealt with it. I hate myself for saying this, but I haven’t got over him. And that really sucks. I used to look a little bit down on people who just couldn’t let go, but now I am one of them. Well, I am not expressing this to anyone. I do not initiate to conversation with him. I keep my distance simply because that is what ex-girlfriends are supposed to do. I think that from day-to-day, it doesn’t bother me much, but when I am all alone in front of my computer, it does. I use way too much time on his FB page… I just realized that I sound pathetic. Really pathetic. I guess I am. As just mentioned, I am crazy busy so it isn’t a problem unless I’m alone. Something I rarely am since I am living together with F.

Yeah, that’s right. I am living together with F. Things are in fact great. He is the nicest BF ever. He is taking me to Istanbul for our one year anniversary. I really look forward to that. He is a way better catch than boy. He has even managed to make me come by going down on me. No one has ever managed that. But he really takes his time. So I should be happy. I am happy. Nevertheless, I miss the best friend I used to have in high school.

Love Mandy