Crossing over to the right side!

My little mind is confused!

I did mention D before x-mas, right? Well, my feelings for him continue, and even though I know we do not have a future and that he dumped me for another girl, I am still in love with him. I keep telling myself I am acting like a fool, continue to be in love with someone who dumped you seems so stupid, and at the same time, I can’t stop thinking about him. Or I couldn’t. This have changed slightly. As I have found the most amazing guy I have ever met, my feelings for D have cooled down. They are still there, but I do not think about him all the time anymore and it does not hurt doing things that remind me of him anymore.

Over to my real point. I have met an awesome guy. He is so nice to me and I think I will fall for him. It’s weird because in many ways he is exactly what I have been looking for for quite a while and it feels so good hanging out with him! He was a virgin when I met him, but for some reason I did not detect it. It’s like it all comes so natural for him, and we have pretty good sex already!

XOXO Betty!

The L-word

So… It has been said. One night. We were wrapped up in each others’ arms. We were kissing and he said it.

“I love you”

Three little words. Just like that. So easy. Natural.

I guess I looked a little surprised because he repeated it. Smiled and hugged me. A lot of things went through my head. I do not have issues with these words. Not anymore. Everything felt right. I want it so bad. Yet, it was maybe too soon. Aren’t there rules for this? According to some religious and cultural rules, we shouldn’t even be doing what we were doing, so I decided to screw the rules. Normal is the watchword.

“I love you too”

There. It’s said. I’m vulnerable again.

Love Mandy

In the process of breaking my own heart..

Not because I intend to, and definately not because I want to! Actually, I am trying to not feel anything. Distance myself. This seems to be almost impossible though! Last night a tear fell down my cheeks and my heart hurt so that I could not sleep. Who said life was easy… The weird thing being: I am in the process of breaking my own heart, yet I am having the time of my life! I feel that this is just what one has to go through, and even though it hurts, I know that it just have to happen! I will get over it, I will manage, my heart will heal. I will survive! I am having the best time of my life, great sex and I am heartbroken 😀 What more could one wish for? Isn’t life supposed to be about living? And if one does not get hurt, one does not live life to the fullest, right?
Love Betty!!!

All you need is love

I am so freaking madly in love. I go through my days flying on this pink crazy cloud called love. I have spent the night at F’s place. We went there after work. We, or mostly he since I do not have the keys and because he’s the boss’ son, closed up the restaurant and walked home to his apartment. We showered, separately and went to bed. I really love to be with him. We hold each other, talk, laugh, giggle about silly stuff and make out. I know this sounds cliché and me saying it sounds cliché sounds cliché, but it feels so right. I know that according to his parents belief, what we have done should qualify both of us to a v.i.p lounge in hell. If there ever was any doubt about that, we pretty much crossed that line last night.

I do not remember how, but once during the night, I turned my back to him and we were laying in the spoon position. He was kissing my neck and began to caress my breasts. Then, he started kissing my ear. This might sound a little weird, but I go completely crazy whenever somebody gives my ears that kind of attention. It really turns me on. At this point we both were breathing heavily and I reached the point where I just give up on trying to have any control at all. I reached out to his hip, caressed his back and rubbed my butt against him. I turned my head and kissed him and he put his hand between my legs. What surprised me is that he found my clitoris right the way. Maybe this tells more about my previous boyfriends than anything else. Anyway, we got to second base. It was great. I moaned. I came.

Afterwards, licked and kisses every inch of his body from the neck down to his navel. He moans. I enjoy to see how he reacts to my touches and that also makes me want to do more of it. From his navel, I went down on him. I did not feel as lost an insecure as I have felt until now when I did it on boy for example. This just felt great. I enjoyed it very much. I would love to do it again some time soon. Anyway, he actually stopped me before he came. I do not know why. He told me I was dangerous. It maintains a mystery to me.

However, it was a great night. Didn’t get much sleep though…

Love Mandy

Love bites

When F and I woke up yesterday morning, we discovered that he had “marked” me. You know when somebody kisses or bites on your neck it sometimes leaves a red mark? Well, that’s what happened. I have already mentioned that our relationship has a few issues which aren’t really our issues, but I guess we have to deal with them some day. Basically, his parents wouldn’t like him dating a white girl who isn’t Muslim. Moreover, I work for his dad. I see him at work at least three times a week when I  am not at the University. So imagine my frustration when I discovered a giant red mark on my neck. The most anoying is that I can’t give one back. It won’t show on his skin so I guess I am screwed.

Alright. The photo isn’t really good. It looks worse in real life. An of course, M, one of my co-workers found out. She knew that I was going to the theatre with a boy, but she didn’t know with whom. She guessed and now she knows. Man… she’s good!

Love Mandy

Boyfriend material

These last weeks has been quite strange. I have hung out with F a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. We have gone to the movies, the theatre, we have eaten out, at home, watched Flight of the Concords, the office, funny games us and much other stuff. Every time, I have slept over at his place. In his bed. Next to the wall. With him. And nothing has happened. Until yesterday night. He took me to a really cosy French restaurant after we had watched a play, which by the way was absolutely awesome. A piece after a book of the Norwegian writer Knut Hamsun who also got the Nobel Price of litterature. Anyway, we went home to him. Played scrabble. I won, as usual and I was actually very tired so we hit the sac. But as usual when we sleep together, we could not fall asleep. We had a pillow fight, talked a lot of nonsense and stared at each other for hours. 

After a while, he asked me what I was thinking about and I told him that I thought about the guy who plays Hayden Panettiere in Bring It On All Or Nothing, because I were so happy and I thought I had the same dorky smile. Then I said that usually, it’s the girl who asks that question and I asked him the same. He did not answer. I asked if it was serious. He remained silent and I said that if he wanted, I could just leave it. Aftera few more minutes, I had nearly fallen asleep, basically he told me that he was in love with me but that it did not need to change anything and that he would just keep ignoring his feelings. Hearing that from the the boy I have been into for months sat me a little out and I took a deep breath. A pause. And I told him that I felt the same way about him. And we kissed. And it was great. The passion of two people who has been into each other for a long time, but who never has done anything about it and the experience of something new.

So I guess I have a boyfriend now.

Love Mandy

Ps. For those who wonder, first base only. But it’s cool. I am so wonderfully happy 😀

Hey there mr…

Oh, so you have a girlfriend, GREAT!!

Ok, so I have this problem, well actually I have two.. I ended up hooking up with Mr. GF! Mr. GF is from France, have a thick, sexy, french accent and is so adorable. I had met him before and found him attractive and liked hanging out with him, but I knew he had a GF and therefore I stayed away. His GF attended the same school as we do.. She was here on a research scholarship and went back home a couple of weeks ago.

Knowing all of this, I met him on Halloween, we were at the same party and had a lot of fun. The party ended up at the next-door frat and I ended up drinking (which I wasn’t supposed to since I was ill…) Mr. GF and I ended up sitting and chatting, and getting more and more drunk. I didn’t have any intentions, knowing what I did. After about an hour talking (or so, remember I was drunk, keeping head of time isn’t really my thing while drunk) he leans towards me, and kiss me…. Oh GOOOOOD!!! We ended up going home to his place, and I guess everyone can think of what happened next…

In the morning when I left he told me to add him on FB, which I didn’t do, and a couple of days later, he added me instead. I didn’t want to take the first step, because he has a GF and because I therefore don’t feel it’s right of me. That same day I got a message saying he had a great time with me, and he hoped to see me soon. Gave me his msn-adress and his phonenumber. I was stunned. Here I am, trying to get people to stay in touch, and when I do not expect it, nor really know how ethically right it is, I get contact… (The sex was great btw, there is something about boy which resently, or currently is in a relationship is so good in bed and know just the right things to do…)

What I’m asking you all, is: Is it right of me to stay in touch? Or should I just blow him off… Keep in mind I do really think he’s a sweet, nice guy, that I don’t want a BF and that I can see he’s being a jerk for doing this to his GF…

My other problem is…. Did I mention the guy on my floor liking me? The one I ended up kissing even though I only saw him as a friend? Well, I think I’m falling for him. I really enjoy spending time with him, and I caught myself flirting with him yesterday, and kinda wanted to kiss him (I WAS SOBER!!) I have no idea how to handle this as I have convinced myself (and everyone else for that matter) that he is only a friend, and that even though I know he fancies me, I didn’t want to do something with him.. I’m falling, I can feel it, and I don’t know how to handle it… Help me???

Looooove Betty Boop Boop Boop!!!

The other

My friendship with co-worker has reached the point where we have opened up to the other about our love-life situation. And guess what. He has been in love with a girl for 3 years. We were talking about a journalist our age who writes for a journal we both like. He told me he had met the journalist trough a girl he “had been in love with” for 3 years. To this information he added: “I think we have kind of the same problem.” I have earlier briefly mentioned my ended relationship with boy to him and that I now have cut off all contact with him. And I guess I said something about doing quite fine even if I maybe shouldn’t. That probably explains co-worker’s last statement even though it isn’t really a problem anymore. Boy is history and I am actually quite fine with it.

Anyway, this probably means that he still is on love with her and in that case, it would be stupid for me to make a move. A part of me is realised because now, I do not need to get myself together and kiss him, but the other part is, I hate to admit it, jealous. Co-worker explained me what he is reading in philosophy (that is what he is studying at the university) and I couldn’t help but thinking that the girl he is in love with must be someone extraordinary simply because he is such a great, cool, interesting and handsome person. I consider myself as a good girl and someone easy to be in a relationship with, but I may be a little afraid of not being able to compete with a person like that. It is also possible that I make up this perfect version of her in my head, something which is quite easy since I don’t know her at all.

On the other hand, there is a small possibility that he is no longer in love, or that he is heartbroken. I do not know how that is any better though. Maybe it isn’t. One thing is at least sure: now I really don’t know what to do!

Love Mandy 

PS. School and work is killing me. It cannot go on like this. I cannot study 8 hours a day and then work 7 hours in the evening/ at night. Just had to get that out. Most likely, I will just continue working my butt off.

Forever friends?

Things are slowly evolving with my co-worker. At least I think they are. He has invited me over at his place tomorrow for late dinner and a movie. I finish school quite late. He also asked me which perfume I use and complimented it. Either he is gay (which I know i not the case), or he was flirting. Anyway, this time I have decided that I will not analyse the situation and try to find out weather it is a date or not. I will assume it is just a friend thing. On the other hand, he is going to cook for me! Arghh… I am so screwed…

Love Mandy

This is just a phase that I am going through

This is what I have been telling myself the last few days. The “date” was great. Nothing happened. At least, nothing that would indicate something interesting. The movie was good (The Third Man) and afterwards, we went to have a coffee (or in my case, a tee) and we talked for two hours. I know that I react really girly and maybe make way too big of a deal about this. On the other hand, I like this feeling. This time, I would like to be rational about this. Yet, it might be hard…

Ok, rationally, what am I feeling? Right now, just thinking about his smile, is making me kind of happy. He has a great smile. And really beautiful eyes. I think about him. A lot! I catch myself at the library while I am supposed to study, just dreaming of him with very little clothes on. But every time I am with him, I cannot help acting like a complete idiot, talking way too much and way overenthusiastic about law, school, work or whatever is happening in the world. We are sort of going out on Tuesday this week. As a good bye, I hope I can get a little more that the high-five I got as we parted. Yeah… seriously… think back, I see that maybe he is not that into me… seriously…

Love Mandy