Catching up

It has been a while since I have posted now. The reason? I’m having my finals coming up in May and I have much less time now as I am having a boyfriend. I am also trying to be more with my family to show them that I am not changing. It can be a little hard since they are not being very supportive. Anyhow, that is not really an issue I can make mine. I mean, they are the ones having a difficult time accepting I have a brown boyfriend, not me.

As far as ex-boyfriends go, I have dreamt a lot of them lately. Not Boy, but the first one who totally crushed my sweet sixteen heart. I am dreaming that he wants me back and I refuse because he kind of repulses me. Boy has actually talked to me and we have agreed to try to re-bond. I kind of like it. We have agreed that it was nice, but it is now too late and that it will not happen anything romantic between us ever again. That feels good. I have closure.

Love Mandy

Pink clouds and butterflies

In three days F and I celebrate our 2 months anniversary. We have it all planned. We are going to go to the restaurant we went the night before we became a couple. This past 2 months has been amazing. I do well at school, my relationship with my parents is alright and I have the best boyfriend ever who makes breakfast to me every morning we wake up together. I am in a very good place right now. Very good.

Right now, I’m at his place while he is out having lunch with his parents, his two sisters, his sister’s fiance, the future parents in law and uncle with wife. The fiance, let’s call him A, is British, and white, and non muslim. And that’s a problem. They also have dinner yesterday evening, so I and oneother colleague had to run the restaurant all by our selves. My boss (his father), let’s call him T, hasn’t accepted the weddingplanes at all. The parents have kind of ignored A and S (F’s sister) since they learned about the engadgement. They also sendt F out to buy them an engagement gift and he still hasn’t been refundent. I think it’s horrible. I have to understanding for it. I like T and his wife as a boss, but I dislike him as a father. Oh… I just realized that’s a pretty mean thing to say. I do not mean to be mean. Nevertheless, I do not understand why A have to go though all the hell it is of being accepted as a son in law, when there is no chance he will ever be. Eventhough he has converted and is now a muslim. I do not understand it has to be a oneway train. I am so glad F has made it totally clear to his parents that he will not ask the one he will marry to convert to Islam.

When i was about to close the restaurant yesterday evening, I went out in the hall to take in the restaurant sign, and there he was. We looked at eachother and without a word he took me in his arms. We hugged. I had missed him a lot and I was tired of having worked for 8 hours. Then, we let go and continues in opposite directions. I have an amasing boyfriend.

Love Mandy

Hm…

Why do parents need to make things much more complicated than they really are? I would never have believed this, but it is a real issue that I have a brown boyfriend. We have the same nationality and he was born and has grown up in this country. His parents though are from Pakistan, but they have lived here for 25 years. Why is this an issue? Why do I have to come home for the holidays and listen to worried parents who tell me that they do not like “this situation“? This is not my issue so I won’t turn it into one. Anyway, it pisses me off! I’m a grown-up for for God’s sake!

Love Mandy

This isn’t about me, so suck it up

We all have more or less emotional baggage from previous and failed relationships. We have been hurt, we have hurt people on the way and we might have trust issues. So how can we start something new?

I am 20 years old. I have baggage and I am terrified of making the same mistakes. Especially with a man I actually like. A lot. Our relationship is a bit problematic. We are grown-ups and yet, we have to hide it from hisparents who are Muslims. There’s an issue that he is dating a white and christian girl (though I am not really practising my religion). He told me that some years ago, his sister had to say no to a boy because grandmother back in Pakistan thought he was the wrong kind of Muslim. Now, she is however engaged to a white man and his family just have had to suck it up. Anyway, we work together and we obviously have to act professional and keep PDA* to a minimum. Two days ago, we had the possibility to kiss to say goodbye at work, but we didn’t. I took it personally.

In my previous relationships, I have really felt taken for granted. One sign of that, have been a lack of affection. The reason why I take this personally, is that I am afraid of not being good enough. I am aware that this is a problem I have in my head and that it isn’t real. That’s why I have to suck it up, get over my issues because this isn’t about me, but about his parent (my boss) and their issues.

Love Mandy   

*Public Disposed Affection

Honey, I’m home!

Co-worker and I have been living together for about five days now and it’s going great. This is something I could absolutely live with. Even though I was afraid it was going to be weird, it’s not. Yesterday my parents were in town and we went to the theatre. Co-worker stayed at home to work on his philosophypaper. Then, we made pizza and sat on my bed watching old episodes of The Office (US). He’s great! He helps cooking, he makes tea, he does the dishes. Arghh… I’ll miss him…

One thing that isn’t so grat is that his father (my boss) has told him not to speak with me that much at work. Co-worker told me Friday. It wasn’t like I didn’t see it coming. I has my suspicions. I know this shouldn’t be bothering me, but it is. There is an perfect explanation:his father (my boss) is Muslim and even though he has lived here for 30 years, he still doesn’t want his kids to date someone white. I understand that. I really do, but I cannot help but taking it personally. I know my boss is quite fond of me. He has given me new responsibilities at work and I recently got a raise. He has also said in person that he was very glad to have me as an employee. I know I shouldn’t be reacting this way, but I get the feeling that I do a great job, yet, I am not good enough to date his son. And I will most likely never be simply because I am white and not Muslim. Sure I can be a good person, but I would have been a even better person if I were a Muslim. I am troubled… I think I have issues not being good enough…

Just for the record, co-worker doesn’t think that way. He is very Muslim light as he would never ask his girlfriend to convert to Islam. He also takes a glass of wine or scotch whenever he wants to, he never does Ramadan and he thinks religion should be something private. Because of his choice of living this way, he is not really on good therms with his parents. He moved out against their will and they don’t know that he is living at my place…

Love Mandy