Can’t stop thinking of what could have been. In this moment, I truly hate myself for doing that. Because there is no point. I should just get over it. But I haven’t. It has been more than one f***ing year. Yet, everything is the same. I am sorry. I don’t think my feelings have changed. I am sorry. I should be a better person…
Love Mandy
Sometimes I find myself in situations I don’t like. I consider myself as a good person so I try to do the right thing. But quite often, I fail. And I have to recognize that my way wasn’t the right way to do things.
Sometimes, I make my man insecure. And we all know, there is nothing worse than being insecure in a relationship. I make him insecure in bed because I do not always respond to his approaches. I understand that. I understand that very well since my ex-boyfriend did something similar to me. I never thought I would be that person in the relationship. I have never been that person.
What do I do? I try to do something about it. And I explain why I fall out. Blame it on the stress. I know it’s a cliche, but it’s true.
On another note, my ex-boyfriend is using me for relationship advice. Or more advice on how to get over a girl and mend his broken heart. Pathetic, I know. I think I dislike him for doing that. I shouldn’t take it. If I was a little more intelligent and a little less “good girl”, I would stop. But I don’t. And that says a more about me than about him. Damn, I just made him cry… F***
Love Mandy
I don’t really know how to start this post. I kind of have nothing new to say. I pass my exams with rather good grades. I will now start my 3rd year of law school this fall. At the moment I work a lot at the restaurant and do not really have a lot of free time. F is working when I am not so we barely see each other. That’s actually really lame.
Boy still speaks to me about his broken heart and he jokes about trying to make me show him my breasts. I find that insulting since I actually loved him once and I really feel like he’s making fun what we had like it was nothing at all. I guess to him, it was not that special. I have told him to stop. He said he’s sorry. I don’t know how long I can keep this “friendship” up. It’s like it is making me hold on to something I know is dead and I don’t think that is healthy. Argh…
Love Mandy
I came back home after a week-end at my folk’s house.It was great coming back. It was great seeing F again. Really cool with the I- haven’t-seen-you-in-a-long-time-sex.
Not so cool with the ex-boyfriend who rants about this broken heart and expect me to tell him what to do.
I did though. What I have learned about bad break-ups is that there is no point beating oneself up. You only can hope to realize that if someone hurts you and make you feel bad, it’s your responsability to leave them.
And I have to tell the person who dumped me this! God damn it…
Love Mandy
My ex boyfriend, Boy, is has just been dumped. Well, he didn’t really know for sure so he wanted me to use my girl powers and tell him what she really meant in a mail she send him.
What she said was something like this:
I am really sorry. I do not want to hurt you, but I need to be alone right now to figure things out.
We have all been through this. Some BF/GR who just hadn’t the nerve to say “it’s over” in a clear way. Because when you are so deeply in love, you try to reassure yourself with the “she/he only needs some time and then she/he will come back. It isn’t really over”. But we all know deep inside it really is.
I’m sorry to be a heart breaker. I am sorry I am the one to break it to you Boy. I truly think you deserve better.
Love Mandy
Ps. Have you recognized that I am giving my ex relationship advice? Jeez… I am so healthy I could puke…
Some friends and I had a discussion some days ago about what the worst way of being dumped is. Here are some of the different situations and ways to make it worse we came up with:
– Dumped over the phone while you are calling
– Dumped by SMS dumped by a free SMS
– Walking in on your BF/GF having sex with someone that someone being your best friend, you mother/father or sister/brother
– Realizing you are dumped when you see that your BF/GF have changed their status on Facebook seeing that they have just started a new relationship
These are all pretty bad scenarios. I have experiences the first one myself. You remember boy? My ex BF? Remember that we try to be friends and that he was dating this one girl? Well… he just broke up with her by changing his status on Facebook…
I have nothing to say. I can only say what Cartman said when he realized Kyle didn’t have the picture of him with Butter’s wiener in his mouth after all: lame…
Love Mandy
Updated 16.05.09
Apparently they are still together. The change in the status quo was only to prove a point or to get attention. He means that she is never taking the initiative to hang out with him. To fake a break-up by changing your realtionshipstatus on Facebook in order to get attention from your BF/GF seems like a healthy relationship….
Love Mandy
Updated 19.05.09
They have broken up. I do not know why I care, he did the exact same thing to me as she did to him. I should be happy because now, he is suffering, just like I did. But I don’t feel that way. It is just lame. I only have one thing to say: Not cool. Not cool.
Love Mandy
It has been a while since I have posted now. The reason? I’m having my finals coming up in May and I have much less time now as I am having a boyfriend. I am also trying to be more with my family to show them that I am not changing. It can be a little hard since they are not being very supportive. Anyhow, that is not really an issue I can make mine. I mean, they are the ones having a difficult time accepting I have a brown boyfriend, not me.
As far as ex-boyfriends go, I have dreamt a lot of them lately. Not Boy, but the first one who totally crushed my sweet sixteen heart. I am dreaming that he wants me back and I refuse because he kind of repulses me. Boy has actually talked to me and we have agreed to try to re-bond. I kind of like it. We have agreed that it was nice, but it is now too late and that it will not happen anything romantic between us ever again. That feels good. I have closure.
Love Mandy
It has been four days since I replied at Boy’s message and yet no answer. I am aware that it is quite difficult answering to “I don’t think we can be friends even thought I might miss spending time with you”. Why can’t you just be friends you might ask. I have a lot of friends who actually manages to remain friends with their exes, so why can’t I?
First of all, we are talking about someone that I have been so intimate on so many levels. The obvious, we have had sex, but we have also grown up together, cried, laugh, meet each others’ families and friends, shared our issues, deapest fears and happiest moments. And then, he won’t be with me anymore because of his insecurities and fear of commitment. And he broke up with me on the phone two weeks before my finals. Do I want to be friends with somebody who can do that to another human being? No. Besides, I do not believe those who keeps in contact with their ex because they’re such good “friends”. I believe it’s because of the boody call. Too bad I have enough self esteem and don’t need sex to feel good about myself.
There is also another matter. I do not trust myself. I have been checking my facebook way to often these past four days. I am scared that I might want to return to him and honestly I do not want to go there. In the end, he made me miserable because I knew that he was having doubts about us and yet, he did not communicate with me, telling me what was wrong. Anyhow, I am now in a relationship with the man I love. I think we are great together and we have reached a level of honest and trust I have never shared with a person. I will not f*** this up.
It might even be that this “problem” only exists in my head. I bet he is not thinking about this. Arghh… I just have to get over it. Again.
Love Mandy
Like the ghost of what I used to listen to when I was in high school (Blink), Boy has made a reappearance in my life. I have had nothing to do with him over the last 6 months, but one week ago he send me a message on facebook. I am not friends with him on facebook so I didn’t know he could do that. But I guess you can.
Anyway, he basically told me he regretted that he had acted like a total ass and that if it was anything he could do, I could just tell him. I also got the impression that he missed me.
I answered a couple of days later that I was glad he send me the message to apologize. I also said that I am very happy right now and that there are not much he can do. Forgiving is not my strongest side, especially when it comes to ex-boyfriends. Nevertheless, I do forgive him. I also said that I guess I miss hanging out with him, but I can’t see us becoming friends again.
This is so typical. Why does it take almost a year for a boy to realize that I was the most awesome, most super blond girlfriend ever? I do not want to go back that road. I didn’t like the person I became in the end. I dealt badly with the fact that he wasn’t independent at all and therefore didn’t step up for us as a couple or take responsibilities, that he had no motivation for school, that he freaked out whenever I tried to talk about the future and that I wanted to have sex more than he did. Though I miss him a little.
Maybe in another life when we’re both cats.
Love Mandy
Mandy
Betty
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